THE Solar is right here to maintain you chuckling in confinement with assist from comedian Tim Vine.
Tim, 53, mentioned: “In today of lockdown, laughter is without doubt one of the best methods to search out enjoyment. Preserve laughing, everybody. It can get us by this in the long run.”
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Tim tells Katy Docherty his prime jokes and gags from his favorite comedians.
HERE are a couple of of my very own one-liners:
“Black magnificence. He’s a darkish horse.”
“Velcro. What a rip-off.”
“I’ve acquired a sponge door. Hey, don’t knock it.”
“One-armed butlers. They will take it however they’ll’t dish it out.”
“My spouse — it’s troublesome to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore”
I HEARD this in school and it nonetheless makes me chuckle:
I acquired dwelling and there was a horrible scent in the home.
I mentioned to my spouse: “What’s that scent?”
She mentioned: “I’ve simply made the rooster soup.”
I mentioned: “Thank goodness for that. I believed it was for us.”
John Archer is a superb comedy magician – one in all my favorite jokes of his is when he holds up a plastic pigeon with a deal with hooked up to it and says ‘it’s a service pigeon’[/caption]
THIS jokey station announcement was a childhood favorite:
“The practice arriving at platforms 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 is coming in sideways.”
“I’ve been fortunately married for 4 years — out of a complete of ten”
MY dad first advised me this one once I was a boy:
There was a boating lake and other people employed boats with numbers on them.
The person in cost known as by his megaphone: “Are available quantity 91, your time is up!”
The person subsequent to him mentioned: “We haven’t acquired a 91.”
The primary man acquired again on the megaphone and known as out: “Quantity 16! Are you in hassle?”
Typically you simply can’t beat a one-liner…
Harry Hill: “My dad saved bees. Not for the honey. For the fur.”
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Fearne Cotton's children thought hubby Jesse was useless after he fainted in backyard
Bob Monkhouse: “I nonetheless take pleasure in intercourse at 68. I dwell at No66 so it’s no distance.”
Alexei Sayle: “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the purpose?”
Les Dawson: “I used to work for British Rail — I used to be a meat pie reviver.”
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Something Frankie Howerd does in Up Pompeii has me in bits – there’s a bit when a Roman guard says to Frankie ‘you’re scum’ and Frankie’s character replies ‘so it’s scum to this!’
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