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Snigger away the lockdown blues with a choice of Tim Vine’s favorite funnies

Laugh away the lockdown blues with a selection of Tim Vine’s favourite funnies



THE Solar is right here to maintain you chuckling in confinement with assist from comedian Tim Vine.

Tim, 53, mentioned: “In today of lockdown, laughter is without doubt one of the best methods to search out enjoyment. Preserve laughing, everybody. It can get us by this in the long run.”

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Comic Tim Vine finds a choice of his favorite jokes to maintain you chuckling in confinement

Tim tells Katy Docherty his prime jokes and gags from his favorite comedians.


HERE are a couple of of my very own one-liners:

“Black magnificence. He’s a darkish horse.”

“Velcro. What a rip-off.”

“I’ve acquired a sponge door. Hey, don’t knock it.”

“One-armed butlers. They will take it however they’ll’t dish it out.”

Milton Jones

“My spouse — it’s troublesome to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore”

I HEARD this in school and it nonetheless makes me chuckle:

I acquired dwelling and there was a horrible scent in the home.

I mentioned to my spouse: “What’s that scent?”

She mentioned: “I’ve simply made the rooster soup.”

I mentioned: “Thank goodness for that. I believed it was for us.”

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John Archer is a superb comedy magician – one in all my favorite jokes of his is when he holds up a plastic pigeon with a deal with hooked up to it and says ‘it’s a service pigeon’[/caption]

THIS jokey station announcement was a childhood favorite:

“The practice arriving at platforms 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 is coming in sideways.”

Mark Watson

“I’ve been fortunately married for 4 years — out of a complete of ten”

MY dad first advised me this one once I was a boy:

There was a boating lake and other people employed boats with numbers on them.

The person in cost known as by his megaphone: “Are available quantity 91, your time is up!”

The person subsequent to him mentioned: “We haven’t acquired a 91.”

The primary man acquired again on the megaphone and known as out: “Quantity 16! Are you in hassle?”

Harry Hill is one other superb comic, he at all times makes me chuckle so it’s exhausting to choose simply one in all his gags
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Typically you simply can’t beat a one-liner…

Harry Hill: “My dad saved bees. Not for the honey. For the fur.”


Bob Monkhouse: “I nonetheless take pleasure in intercourse at 68. I dwell at No66 so it’s no distance.”

Alexei Sayle: “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the purpose?”

Les Dawson: “I used to work for British Rail — I used to be a meat pie reviver.”

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Something Frankie Howerd does in Up Pompeii has me in bits – there’s a bit when a Roman guard says to Frankie ‘you’re scum’ and Frankie’s character replies ‘so it’s scum to this!’


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